What Leaders Carry Through Change

Using the Leadership Grief Response Model™ to reflect on what needs acknowledgment, support, and a different way forward.

By Dr. Jennifer Harden

A leader can explain the next phase of a transition and still be working through what the previous phase cost them.

They may be carrying the loss of a trusted partnership, a role that once felt meaningful, or confidence in an organization they helped build. They may also be carrying practical pressures: additional responsibilities, unclear expectations, and decisions that cannot wait.

Those experiences deserve attention. Yet knowing that something feels unresolved does not always make the next step clear.

Where do you begin when the work continues, but your relationship with it has changed?

A compass for reflection

In my book, Leading Through Organizational Grief: What Leaders Carry During Organizational Change, I introduce the Leadership Grief Response Model™ as a compass for reflection across four shifts:

• Suppression toward acknowledgment

• Self-sufficiency toward seeking support

• Surviving toward sustainable leadership

• Guarded toward grounded leadership

These shifts are nonlinear. They are not stages a leader must complete in order, and they do not prescribe a timetable for moving forward. Someone may acknowledge a loss while still finding it difficult to seek support. They may establish healthier work boundaries and remain cautious about trusting again.

The value of reflection lies in noticing what deserves attention now.

One experience, several needs

The following illustrative composite draws on themes across several participants’ accounts. It does not describe any one participant or reproduce their words. The questions that follow show possible applications of the Leadership Grief Response Model™, rather than a documented account of someone progressing through its shifts.

Consider a leader navigating changes in the organization while also absorbing responsibilities left by departing colleagues. The leader cares deeply about the people and the work, but familiar sources of connection and support are no longer available in the same way.

The demands feel overwhelming. Concentration becomes more difficult, and frustration grows. Attempts to raise concerns leave the leader feeling unheard. Alongside the workload, the leader carries sadness about what has changed and uncertainty about whether their experience and contribution still matter.

This composite brings together themes of added responsibility, emotional strain, disrupted connection, and limited organizational support. Participants also described ways of responding, including reflection, communication, advocacy, and setting boundaries. Those responses varied across accounts.

For a leader in circumstances like these, several questions may matter at once: What am I feeling? Who can help? Which demands need to change? How do I protect my values and boundaries? The four shifts provide a way to explore those questions without assuming that one must be resolved before another can begin.

Suppression toward acknowledgment

When there is work to deliver, it can feel easier to set aside what a change means personally. A leader might focus on the next meeting, the next decision, or the next person who needs reassurance.

Acknowledgment begins by making room for an honest description of the experience. That may involve recognizing sadness, disappointment, anger, or the loss of something that mattered. It does not require sharing everything publicly or reaching an immediate conclusion.

For the leader in the composite, acknowledgment could involve recognizing that the experience includes sadness about lost connection as well as frustration with the workload. This is a possible reflection, not an interpretation we can impose on someone from their behavior alone.

Reflection question: What have I been carrying that I have not yet allowed myself to name?

A first step could be writing down what changed, what you miss, and what remains uncertain. The purpose is to understand your experience before deciding what to do with it.

Self-sufficiency toward seeking support

Being responsible for others can make it difficult to admit that you need help yourself. A leader may be accustomed to finding answers, absorbing pressure, and keeping personal concerns outside the conversation.

Seeking support begins with identifying what kind of help would be useful and who could provide it. You might need a trusted person to listen, a supervisor to clarify responsibilities, or someone with the authority to address an unreasonable workload. The right support depends on the concern.

It also matters whether the setting is trustworthy. Before sharing, you can ask about confidentiality, how the information will be used, and what follow-through is possible. Seeking support does not require disclosing personal experiences to someone who has not earned that trust.

Reflection question: What am I trying to manage alone, and what specific support could help?

A first step could be preparing one clear request: a conversation, a decision about priorities, or clarification of your role. For the composite leader, that might mean asking someone with authority to review the added responsibilities while also identifying a trusted person to talk with about the loss of connection.

Surviving toward sustainable leadership

During disruption, the immediate goal may be to get through the week. A leader covers gaps, extends the workday, and postpones rest because the demands feel urgent.

That response may address an immediate need. It also deserves review when temporary arrangements become the usual way of working.

Sustainable leadership asks what would make the work manageable over time. That includes personal boundaries and organizational conditions: staffing, resources, priorities, authority, and realistic expectations. Reflection cannot substitute for fixing a workload that exceeds what a person can reasonably carry.

Reflection question: What am I doing to get through this transition that I cannot reasonably continue?

A first step could be reviewing one recurring demand and deciding what needs to stop, change, be shared, or receive additional resources. Where you lack the authority to make that change, the next step may be bringing the issue to someone who has it. For the composite leader, this could involve making the additional duties visible and asking which priorities can realistically be maintained with the available resources.

Guarded toward grounded leadership

After a difficult experience, a leader may become cautious about speaking openly, relying on others, or investing deeply in the work again. That caution may reflect what they have learned about the environment.

Moving toward grounded leadership does not mean ignoring those lessons or offering trust without evidence. It invites reflection on how to lead from your values while recognizing current circumstances and keeping appropriate boundaries.

You might decide to speak clearly about a concern, remain consistent in how you treat others, or distinguish what is within your control from what belongs to the organization. Confidence does not have to mean certainty about every outcome.

Reflection question: What would help me lead from my values while respecting what this experience has taught me?

A first step could be choosing one action that reflects a value you want to carry forward, such as fairness, clarity, or care, alongside a boundary that helps you uphold it. The composite leader might choose to communicate capacity concerns clearly and continue treating colleagues with care, while setting limits on additional commitments. Whether the organization responds constructively remains an organizational responsibility.

Choose the question that fits today

You do not have to work on all four shifts at once. Begin with the question that feels most relevant to your current experience.

Perhaps you need language for a loss. Perhaps you already understand it and need practical support. Perhaps the concern is an ongoing working condition that needs to change. A different transition may bring you back to a question you thought you had already answered.

These reflections are invitations, not a test of leadership strength. They do not establish whether someone is grieving, and they should not be used to assess another person's readiness for change.

For organizations, the responsibility also extends beyond encouraging individual reflection. Leaders need realistic expectations, clear roles, and support they can use. Giving someone language for an experience matters. Giving them room and resources to respond matters too.

What is one thing I need to acknowledge, ask for, or change so that I can lead more sustainably?

That is a useful place to begin.

Continue the conversation

Explore the Leadership Grief Response Model™ in Leading Through Organizational Grief: What Leaders Carry During Organizational Change, published by Harden Leadership Press.

Learn more about the book.

For consulting or speaking inquiries, email contact@drjenniferharden.com.

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